My Poop on New Motherhood

My misguided views of being a new mother

My Child’s First Words Are Going to Be Godammit… September 19, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — nothingbutthepoop @ 11:33 am

My child’s first words are going to be “Godammit” followed by “for fuck sakes.”  I don’t mean to swear.  It’s a bad habit that I can’t seem to break.  Like this morning.  I was trying to vacuum and the way the cord was wound it kept popping out of the socket – like 3 times.  And each time I responded with a “godammit.”  Wouldn’t you know it, my daughter (bless her little heart wanted to help mommy vacuum) was standing right there.  Then while making lunch my blessed little being decided to shake the child gate wildly while perfecting the perfect little whine.  And of course under my breath I uttered, “for fuck sakes.”  I curious, what’s your child’s first word going to be?  And I’m not talking nana, mama, dada, ball, hi, bye, binky.

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I’m a Catalog Whore, And a Magazine Whore, And a Sales Flyer Whore… September 5, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — nothingbutthepoop @ 11:21 am

I admit it.  I can’t live without caffeine and I LOVE catalogs – all sorts of catalogs.  I used to have a pretty important job where I would get all sorts of mail from vendors trying to get my attention with samples and the equivalent to tradeshow trinkets.  It was a lot of fun and I got some really cool things.  Then I became a SAHM.  Then the vendors didn’t know where to find me or really care at that point since I was no longer a decision maker in their arena.  The bulk of my mail became credit card offers.  And really, they’re no fun.  I became mail lonely.  I started my addiction with a subscription to Parenting Magazine, then found free subscriptions to Baby Talk and American Baby Magazines.  Then another paid subscription to Parents Magazine.  Then I went crazy – requesting baby safety catalogs, beading catalogs, Ikea catalogs, clothing catalogs of stuff I will NEVER wear.  Why do I do this?  Because I like reaching into the mailbox and pulling out 4 color printed catalogs with my name on them.  Because I like that I have cooler mail than my husband and because now that I’m killing trees by the dozens – I have more mail than my husband.  I can sit on the toilet flipping through a catalog while my toddler harrasses the bathtub and not worry about losing my place.  It’s my link to reality, to the outside world of gadgets and fashion.  I no nothing about world current events, but I can tell you that Kohls is having a menswear sale and I can also tell you that my husband needs new shorts (after I burn the ripped ones tonight).  Am I alone in my love of catalogs?

 

Have you accepted Caffeine as your personal savior? September 1, 2007

Filed under: Uncategorized — nothingbutthepoop @ 1:47 am

I started this blog a few days ago and since then have been nosing around to see how all the different options work.  I think I must have looked at the templates 10 times cursing that there were no “coffee” related backgrounds.  You would think with a bunch of computer nerds putting these things together that coffee would just be an automatic.  I would create a coffee related templated, but I’m know I’m not smart enough.  I digress from the real reason I started this post.  The truth is, I can’t live with out caffeine anymore.  I start my morning brewing a full pot of coffee (of which I only get about 1.5 cups of).  If that’s not enough I will make a run to the nearest drive through.  I would prefer it to NOT be Starbucks but it’s hard to get around.  Starbucks bought out all the lease rights to the local Coffee People (SHAME, DAMN THEM, TOTAL SHAME).  So my options are kind of limited.  You might ask, “why don’t you just find another localally owned coffee shop?”  And I’ll say, “have you ever tried to pry a toddler out of a carseat, get them into a coffee shop, keep them from harassing every item in sight, and then with coffee in hand try to put said toddler back in car seat and retain coffee in cup?”  Hence my obsession with drive-thrus.  My favorite is getting my non-fat, surgar free, Vanilla latte just before my child falls asleep in her car seat.  It means I have about 20 minutes of “me” time – driving around (or sitting in the driveway) with the radio playing songs I like, drinking my savior in a cup, and for a moment – relaxing.  Once the nap is over baby is slightly rested and mom is slightly relaxed and energized.  I’ve even bought the crystal light powder that you put in the 16 oz water bottles, yes, I bought the powder that contains caffeine.  My child is sleeping through the night but I just don’t feel that I get enough sleep.  I know that I could not live with out coffee or other caffeinated products.  That’s why I admit that I have accepted Caffeine as my personal savior.  How about you?