My Poop on New Motherhood

My misguided views of being a new mother

New Mothers Make the Worst Drivers April 10, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — nothingbutthepoop @ 12:31 pm

I used to be a good driver, that is until I became pregnant.  My first mishap happened in the parking garage at the OB’s office.  I decided to redecorate the passengar side door by using the cement pillar.  My husband was notamused.  I’ve run far more red lights than I would like to admit (recently being pulled over by a motorcycle cop a block and a half away from my house, having a bad day I was already crying hysterically, and thank goodness the Officer had pity and let me off with a warning).  I also just received a speeding ticket in the mail from one of those “van on the side of the road” radar thingies.  it’s a clear picture of me paying enough attention to not ram into a tree but not enough to the obey speed limit.  But I have to be honest, I’m just thankful a cop wasn’t around during the first six months of my child’s life.

 

Raise your hand if you’ve experienced infantcryingvehicularmadness?  Easily described as infant child wailing at the top of their lungs when there’s at least 20 minutes of driving left.  Parental management tactics include: turning volume up all the way, moving radio station ot static in an effort to calm child (white noise anyone?), repeating favorite stress releasing mantra (thou shall not loose thy mind, thou shall not loose thy mind), and finally pushing the envelope of speeding and running every red light until you are home. 

 

If only insurance companies knew…our rates would skyrocket for the first year.

 

What other vehicular atrocities have you performed because of the little bundle of joy sitting in the back seat is driving you INSANE?

 

Next to come; If my child is 2 can I still claim the “stomach spare tire” and the “ready for winter saddlebags” at baby fat?

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One Response to “New Mothers Make the Worst Drivers”

  1. Yes! I remember the screaming-in-the-backseat-driving oh so well. When my eldest was a baby she cried the entire first year she was in the car. There were a few times I cried right along with her—there wasn’t anything I could do to soothe her.

    ick.

    now they fight. I can’t decide which is worse.

    xoxo
    steph


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